A Very Uncomfortable Conversation
by Dragonist
Summary: Gaara walks in at bad time and almost manages to get himself the talk. "Uh... what were we talking about again?" "You. That girl. Sterile female worker bees." "I thought I told you to forget about the bees!"


"Kankuro?"

"G-Gaara! What are you doing here!"

"…I live here. What is _she_ doing here?"

"Uh… Listen, baby, you mind waiting in the other room for a minute?"

There's the _tap-tap-tap _of high heels on hardwood floor. A door squeaks open, then shuts with a slam.

"A-ah… So, Gaara."

"Yes?"

"So, uh, you know about the birds and the bees, right?"

"I'm well aware of the migratory patterns of the desert birds and the beneficial roles bees play in maintaining what little flora we possess, yes."

"Uh… Not _exactly_ what I was going for, but good enough. It's like that. So, when a man and a woman… you know, and they want to… you know,"

"What exactly does this have to do with fauna?"

"With _what_? I-I, I mean, what?"

"Fauna. Animals. Your birds and bees."

"Oh. Well, you see, the girl is the bird and the boy is the bee-"

"What kind of bees are we talking about?"

"What?"

"What kind of bees are we talking about."

"Uh, oh! Uh… any kind. The most common kind. Whatever."

"So, worker bees?"

"Yeah! That'll work. So, the girl is the bird, and the boy is the worker bee, and when they-"

"That's illogical. Worker bees are predominantly female."

"What?"

"A worker bee is any female eusocial bee that lacks the full reproductive capacity of the colony's queen bee."

"… So?"

"Why is the boy a sterile female bee?"

"Well, it's becau… Just, listen, alrigh- I mean… Just forget about the bees, alright?"

"Are boys the bees in all situations, or is this one of those special cases?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Temari says you wear more makeup than she does."

"It's not makeup, it's face paint!"

"She had to buy more mascara last week."

"So?"

"She bought the bottle last month."

"What's your point?"

"She was on a mission. All. Last. Month."

"…"

"Plus, she says you're more of a pussy than that Shikaharu kid when it comes to buying her t-"

"Forget about what Temari says too!"

"…"

"I mean, we're all guys here, right? Who needs to listen to what any bitch says?"

"Not right."

"What? Are you going feminist on me? I, I mean, you're not going to tell Temari what I just said, right? Right?"

"You said we're all guys here."

"Yeah?"

"Temari said that you were a wider cunt than s-"

"Just stop talking about what Temari says!"

"But she said that when you say-"

"No! Nope! Not listening!"

"But she-"

"Strawberry shortcake!"

"But-"

"Cherry cream pie!"

"Bu-"

"Pistachio covered banana sundae!"

"... I don't understand."

"Me either, little bro. Me either. Women are crazy."

"Not that-"

"Chocolate covered nuts!"

"… I'm annoyed. Get to the point."

"Uh… What were we talking about again?"

"You. That girl. Birds. Sterile female worker bees."

"I thought I told you to forget about the bees!"

"…"

"Uh, but that's okay! I mean, I totally understand, if you don't want to, uh, forget about… the bees…"

"Should I get Temari?"

"What? Why?"

"She's better at explaining things than you."

"Oh, well, fine! If you feel that way, why don't you just go cozy up with big sis then!"

"I'll need _her_."

"What? Why do you need… whatever her name is?"

"Example."

"What?"

"You won't tell me what you were doing. Therefore, I don't know what to call what you were doing."

"That's why you've got Temari."

"If I don't have you two to act it out, she won't know what I'm talking about."

"Whoa. Wait. Stop right there."

"What."

"I'm not going to go around doing things like _that_ in front of Temari!"

"Why?"

"Ca-cause! You just don't do stuff like that in front of your big sister!"

"Who do you do it in front of?"

"No one! Absolutely no one, ever! … Unless you're into that sort of thing, I guess."

"That… sort of… thing?"

"Yeah. Exactly."

"What sort of thing, is that, exactly?"

"... Listen, just go ask Temari."

"Ask her _what_."

"Uh… about… Best friends!"

"Best… friends?"

"Yeah! You don't know what a best friend is, do you?"

"I assume that is a friend that is… best."

"Well, you shouldn't, because when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me!"

"…"

"I mean, uh, close, but no cigar!"

"What's a best friend."

"Uh… You should ask Temari!"

"... So… what you and… _her_ were doing… you were doing it because you were 'best' 'friends'?"

"Yes. Exactly. Right on the dot. Completely and totally correct."

"And I should go… and ask Temari… about 'best' 'friends'."

"Uh huh."

"And what 'best' 'friends' do."

"Uh huh."

"Fine. I'll do that then."

"… Finally. Come on, babe. I got rid of him."

A slap echoes throughout the room.

"Baby?"

"…"

"Baby?"

"…"

"Ah, come on, don't go! I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long!"

The front door slams shut.

"_G_reat_."_

"…"

"Hey, Gaara?"

"Gaara?"

"Gaa-aaaa-ra!"

"You're not going to tell Temari what I said about her, right?"

"Right?"


End file.
